The Four Mistaken Goals of Misbehavior:
1. Attention-- “I belong only when I have your
attention.”
2. Power -- “I belong only when I’m winning or
in charge or at least when I don’t let you win.”
3. Revenge -- “It hurts that I don’t belong,
but at least I can hurt back.”
4. Assumed Inadequacy -- “I give up. It is impossible
to belong.”
Remember: the true primary goal of all behavior
in all people, children or adults, is to find a sense of belonging and
significance (56). As teachers, we are given the opportunity to help children
understand their behavior. Not only that--we are given the chance to help
them shape their own behavior to achieve significance and belonging they
desire!
Also remember: “Children are good percievers,
but poor interpreters” (21). It important that your communication is clear,
so think things through before you speak.
“An encouraged child does not need to misbehave”
(62).
About Goal Disclosure:
1. If a safe, objective setting is created at
a time away from conflict or crisis, most children can identify their hidden
goals. Children usually won’t be able to verbalize it themselves, but will
reveal it if asked. (see Dreikur’s “could it be” questions on page 70)
2. Talking with children about goals shows interest
in the child while increasing your awareness of them.
3. Having a goal identified creates an understanding
that can reduce your internal stress with children who consistently misbehave. |
